When We Wake Up
by CheesyCake
Summary: To Draco, love is honey and poison at the same time. It felt so good yet so painful. And in the haze of dreamland and reality, Draco realizes that the only thing that was anchoring him to Harry was his own sticky, trapping love, and he realizes he has to let go.


**A/N This is my first attempt at Drarry-please review! I do not mind if you give me criticism, but please, don't just type something like 'I hate this story!' or, 'This story sucked', please give me some constructive criticism-or else I can't improve my writing! Now, I'll quit babbling and let you read in peace :P**

**You should listen to the song 'Wake Me Up' while reading this,-it adds to the effect xD-but this fic can be read without the music.**

I could stay like this forever in your arms just looking at you. Even the way you sleep is flawless to me. I stroke your messy raven hair, which stubbornly falls back, resting on your long eyelashes. Sensing movement, your eyelids flutter and you open your eyes. The green emeralds captivate me, giving me a strong, almost unbearable, sense of desire that courses through me, making my heart falter. I turn away, ashamed that I feel the way I feel, knowing that you do not feel the same way. All this was to you was a quick release; I am your escape route. You relaxed smile disappears, and right then and there, reality hits me like a bucket of cold water on a winter day; I know that I'm not the person you want to see when you wake up.

When you said that you would give it one last shot, I thought that it would mean that you would actually try to make things work. But every kiss we shared, even when we melded as one, I knew that it was someone else in your mind, that this whole thing meant absolutely nothing to you. I was of no significance. But I needed you. Even your feelings for me were not genuine; I just needed your body to be in harmony with mine, feel your salty sweat smearing onto my body, feel our bodies move in unison; because I knew that I wouldn't feel anything like this with anyone else. After that, loneliness took over and the salt of my tears were smeared onto your body. I know you saw the tears; you made no comment, you didn't care. Even when you were physically with me, I knew your heart was somewhere else. With someone else.

You push me away, gentle but firm, detaching your limbs from mine. I feel distant, the harsh coldness of winter and reality reclaiming me from you. You dress quickly, then walk over to the window, displaying the winter wonderland that was a joy to some but sadness for others.

You say, It's snowing. Almost January.

I say, I know.

Because, what else can I say? You turn to look at me, your green eyes turned grey by seriousness and you regard me. Study me, like you did on the first day of Hogwarts. And for a moment, I wonder if this rejection would be hard and cold, just like the first time.

We both fall into silence after the few uttered words. In that silence, things I love about you come back to me, such as the way your eyes widened in fascination when studying all the different rooms in Malfoy Manor, or the way you grinned because you were doing something without any slips- so you thought, since every time I saw that face, something was bound to be wrong-, or the way that your bronze skin was dusted by a faint pink when embarrassed or aggravated. I also remember all the things you loved and hated. You hated cold feet, morning breath and most of all fame, which robbed you of your privacy. Things you loved; strawberries, John Felton…Shrek. I remember I asked you why.

You said, with a grin on your face, Because it reminds me of us.

I said, wrinkling my nose, So you think that I'm a troll?

Rolling your eyes, you say like you were explaining something to a baby, It's because, she can throw away her family, her money, her royalty and her beliefs for her love, and you did exactly that for me.

I say back to you, Stupid sentimental Gryffindor.

After that, we laughed.

But secretly, in my heart, I loved that that was the reason why you chose to love Shrek. Now that was the reason that came back to haunt me on why you hated that movie. Either way, you didn't actually care, did you? Cause that night, when you said that things were not working and I pleaded and begged for you to stay, and you picked up the flawless mask that I used against you for so many years in Hogwarts.

Then, I think about how you looked at me when you woke up in the morning, before reality set in your mind, I contemplate the loving glance you shot me and loving the beauty and happiness that radiated of you in waves. Was that the way you looked at me when you loved me? Because truly, I can't remember anymore.

I remember when you loved me. You made me new friends, gave me new experiences. But that backfired when you stopped loving me. When you did, I think I went back to being the old me. The one, who would snap at everyone, be selfish and inconsiderate. Without your love, nothing seems to be the right thing to do anymore. Maybe I should just let go and become me all over again. It's tiring me to keep up the mask that you put on my face for years, as without you by my side, I lost hope. And besides…because who am I kidding with the mask anyway?

You must have thought I was stupid. Everyone could see that you stopped loving me. We became distant and you would come home, late at night, clothing rumpled, smelling strongly of sex and drink. And I never say anything. Cause what do I say when my husband doesn't care that I know that he's unfaithful?

I started smoking after that. Nicotine was my escape button. Usually, when you came home drunk, I would stay up in the late hours, chain smoking until I fainted from exhaustion and from the fumes of the smoke. And when I wake up, I find you in the same room, and you shoot me a look of disgust.

Then, as if nothing went wrong, you say, You shouldn't smoke. It's unhealthy.

Then I can take it no longer.

I say, You shouldn't cheat on me. It's unhealthy as well.

You stiffen and look at me. Looking at me, and at that moment, I wondered why our love was lost. I realize also, that your eyes were also the exact same colour as the killing curse. We study each other for a few more moments.

Finally, I speak up, Please, just… just go.

You look at me for another two agonizing seconds, and then smile. I look away, shuddering, because the smile you give me has no emotion in it. The smile was icy, cold, distant. In that moment, I long to see the smile that you gave me when I gave you your birthday present, the smile when I gave you my love, the smile when I gave you my all.

Then, you back out and leave me there. And in that second, I know that I truly lost you.

Then, I order Tippy to give me all the firewhiskey she can find.

And now, staring at your back as you leave my room, leaving without hesitation, leaving the last intimate touch that we share, I know that you weren't the person that I loved long ago; that person was long gone. And when we meet next time, in January, it will be over divorce papers, a court case, and a lawyer. And maybe, I'll still be in your mind somehow, wherever you tucked the memories of me. And maybe, one day, you'll look back over this whole ordeal and smile. And maybe, just maybe, will you think of me.

**A/N If you have any particular suggestions on which pairings you want me to write, I will be happier than ever to oblige! Also, you can check out my joint account called 'AdeWCUTMalfoy' if you are interested in Dramione xD**

**I know I seem to drone on and on, but for the last time as a crucial reminder: PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP: REVIEW! **


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